The Begining Of The End
by LKCLDC
Summary: Rose leaves to return to Russia after a crushing truth from Dimitri. When the Academy and all of Rose's old friends need her, will she return? What of her friends? Will they return with her? Can she see past the hurt that Dimitri caused her and possibly fall back in love with him? Can Dimitri forgive Rose for all the hurt that she caused him in return?
1. Chapter 1

"I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has." I stood and stared in disbelief as those words slammed into my head over and over again, almost mockingly. He couldn't really mean any of it, not after what we had, what we _still_ had, or what I thought we still had.

"You can't mean that." My voice had lost all anger, and hostility that it had not only a few seconds ago, and was replaced by a voice that I had never heard. The voice was my own yes, but it seemed broken to the point of no fixing.

"Oh yes I do. I mean every word of it." His eyes flashing with anger I had only seen once before and that was when I had the bright idea to spend some 'time' with Jesse and I'd been caught by none other than Dimitri him self.

"Oh." I wanted to say so much more some where along the lines of: 'How could you do this to me. How could you give on me, after I risked my life, and ruined my reputation just to restore a soul that isn't the same?' But my throat closed off, and my eyes burned with unshed tears.

"Well I guess I'll go since I'm not welcome." I tried to push the words through my throat but instead of coming out clear, and some what short as I'd hoped, they came out rough and strangled.

For a moment before I turned around to leave I thought I saw remorse in his eyes, like maybe he knew that he'd never phrased it in that way before. But I didn't stick around to see if he would say anything else. I ran out of the church, pushing the few people out of my way that stood by the doors.

I had no idea where I was headed, all I knew is that I had to get out of there, and away from anyone that would ask me what was wrong.

I ended up in my room sitting with my back on my now closed door, tears, that I had refused to let be seen by anyone, streaming down my face. It was ironic that the only times I seemed to cry was with Dimitri being involved. Rage built within me, making me want to scream out my frustration. I couldn't believe that after everything we had been through, after everything I had done for him I was the one being thrown aside like an old rag doll.

I had my old duffle bag in my hand so fast I didn't know what happened. It was one I used to take to Lissa's house when we had breaks at school. I blindly through clothes and anything else I thought I would need, which wasn't much since I didn't have much to begin with. All I knew is I had to leave; I couldn't stand the presence of Dimitri, or any of my friends.

I knew I probably should leave a note for at least Lissa but I had no words to write down. I was still hurt that she was more worried about how Dimitri was doing than how I was doing, but I figured I owed her at least a written good bye. So with a piece a paper and a pen I wrote her a short note telling her I would be back when I got myself figured out. If only I knew when that was going to be.

I walked out of my room after leaving the note on the pillow, of the very ruffled bed. I didn't figure there was any sense in making it look good when I wasn't going to be returning to it. Walking down the hall I prayed to whoever was listening that I didn't run into anyone that I knew or didn't know. I just didn't feel like explaining as to why I had a duffle bag full of clothes, why my face was tear streaked, and why I was shaking.

I made my way to one of the private rooms, where the guardians could talk in private or something of that nature. I never really paid enough attention to know what they were for, all I knew is they had a phone.

Beings I had no money and I wouldn't have a job for who knew how long, I needed some way to get around. So I picked up the phone and dialed the number Abe gave me to reach him personally.

"Hello?" His voice almost made me break down again.

"Abe. I need a favor." I forced the words out of my constricted throat, and hoped he heard them.

"Rose? What's wrong?" I wanted to tell him to mind his own business but I couldn't do that if I wanted some of his resources, like money, and private plane. So I took the practical way out.

"Nothing, I just need to leave. Can you help me out?" I was hoping my voice sounded normal again, after swallowing the lump that had formed earlier.

"Well considering your probably not going to tell me what's wrong, and would figure out another way to leave, I guess I don't have a choice now do I." It wasn't a question so I didn't have to answer.

"Alright little girl, I'll send the plane, and have some money, and cards waiting on you. It'll take you any where you want to go. But you make sure you keep in touch, and be careful."

"Thanks, Dad." I didn't think I'd ever called him that before but I figured after everything he was doing he deserved it.

"Your welcome Rose, the plane will be there in three hours."

We said our good byes and I promptly hung up before I said some off the wall thing and explained what had happen, and what Dimitri said.

I sat in that little room for the next three hours, until I was sure the plane landed, and almost ran out to meet it. I was avoiding people at all cost, not that anyone cared enough to look for me.

The Pilate that was waiting at the end of the steps that were let down was an older Moroi. He had graying hair, with a short beard. He reminded me of someone's grandfather. Which he probably was.

"Are you Rose?" His voice was gruff, but he had a smile on his face.

"Yeah, the one and only." Thank God I mentally added no one else would want to go through the hell I'd been through.

"Well where is it that I can take you?"

I hadn't given it much thought, but I knew that the only place that I would be comfortable, and have friends was Russia.

"Russia." Short and to the point, he didn't need to know the reasoning behind it. He just had to take me.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter Two

It's been four years since I left the Academy and the people I thought were my friends. Sure I missed them every day, but there was no way in hell I was going back and graveling for forgiveness for my absence over the years. Besides I had made a good life for myself in Russia.

When I had returned to Russia four years ago I had nowhere to go, although I had money I didn't want to use it since it wasn't really mine. Abe had made the pilot give me money and a cell phone, something about either I take it or he'd call my mother and let her know where I had gone. So grudgingly I had to take it, but that didn't mean I had to like it, or use the money.

I had decided when I stepped foot off the plane that I would try and find Denis and his group. If I was going to be here then I was definitely going to do some good, maybe take my frustration out on some of the strigoi that inhabited most of the cities.

It had taken around a month of searching, staking, asking questions, and some more searching before I'd finally found them. Turns out that they weren't too far from where I'd left them before. When I did find them it was just Denis, Artur, and Lev. When I had asked what had happened to Tamara I had gotten the news I was afraid of.

Not too long after I'd thought I had killed Dimitri, Denis, Lev, Artur, and Tamara had went out hunting one night, and found two strigoi. The fight had been almost over when the third came out from behind an abandoned building grabbing Tamara from behind and breaking her neck before anyone had a chance to do anything.

After hearing the story I was almost afraid to ask if I could join their group for good. Of course they were more than glad to have me back, and we had been together ever since.

The three of them had become my family, my strength when things were almost too painful to bear. Denis was definitely the strong one between them. He didn't falter over anything; he gave orders and only took them when he thought it was necessary. During the first year of being back with them I was nothing but a mess when we weren't hunting. I had nightmares when I would fall asleep and would wake up screaming and crying. Definitely not something I wanted the guys to know. But Denis did have soft side. After the first couple of nights of waking up screaming, Denis starting sleeping with me, nothing sexual just for comfort.

Lev was the flirter of the bunch. Anything with long legs, boobs, and long hair was something for him to take to bed. But if it came down to us or the girl he was currently banging, he would choose his family every time.

Artur on the other hand was serious all the time. If we weren't out hunting he was trying to find ways to improve his battle skills. Which meant I was the lucky one that got to spar with him since no one else would. Artur hit like a freight train and followed through in his 'staking' faster than I'd even think Dimitri could.

"Rose!" I jumped when Denis yelled my name.

"What?" I'm sure my voice sounded as irritated as I felt. I didn't like being yelled at under any circumstances.

"I have been trying to get your attention for last two minutes and you have been of in your own world." Oh so I guess I really did need to be yelled at.

"Ok but what do you want?" He gave me an exasperated look.

"We were suppose to leave twenty minutes ago, but of course your late as always." He looked like he had lost some of his earlier anger, and seemed amused about me always being late.

"Oh, yea ok. Well then let's go." I was lost in my thoughts and hadn't even thought about our night out tonight.

Denis came over and sat down on the bed with me and grasping my hand. "Rose we don't have to go out tonight. We can stay in and you can call Abe and talk to him for awhile, or I'll stay in here and hold you until you fall asleep."

I gave his hand a firm squeeze before getting up and giving him a weak smile. "No. We have to go out and you know it."

"Ok." He said with a very faint smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes. I had a feeling that he knew I didn't want to go out tonight and kill yet another strigoi that used to be someone's daughter, son or a family member.

We walked out of my room silently, until we made it to the living room where the other two were. Lev whistled, and cat called. "Rose I swear the dresses are getting shorter, and definitely lower."

I plastered a smile on my face that was mostly real, and made sure to flip my hair just so. "Well what can I say, it's not like you could be the bait, and lure them outside. Someone has to look good around here."

When I say I'm the bait, that's what I am. I dress in ridiculously short dresses that barely covered my hind end, and were cut down to my navel. Shoes that are all of five inch heels and, enough hair products to give any girl a run for their money.

"Wait, that's not true. How do you think we get all the females?" His voice sounded shocked that I could've forgotten, but he still had a smile on his face.

"True enough." Lev was the one that dressed up when there were more females around than males.

"Ok guys lets head out before one of them decides they need a snack earlier."

When we were on our way out the door my phone rang, and since the only people that had the number were Denis, Artur, Lev, and Abe it had to be Abe, considering all the others were with me.

"Yes old man?" He would never live that old name down.

"Little Girl. How many times do I have to tell you, that's no way to answer the phone when I call?" He always did like to piss me off with that nickname but I guess I deserved for calling him 'Old Man'.

"Fine. Besides why are you calling? I just talked to you a couple days ago."

"Well since you kindly asked, your old academy was almost attacked again."

My heart stopped beating for an instant, and then picked up again almost bursting. "What did you say?" My voice was rough with concern.

"You heard me. Don't worry they didn't get in. But there has been talk, or so I have heard, that they are going to attack again soon." He paused before speaking again, almost like he was letting what he said sink in to my thick skull. "Rose everyone is still there at the academy. All of your old friends, and Dimitri also."

My heart constricted with pain from hearing his name spoken aloud. Out of all of my time here I couldn't get over the pain of what he caused me. So I decided to play it tough.

"Ok. Why do I care? They have guardians there to take care of them."

"Rose you and I both know that the guardian numbers are dwindling and they didn't have near enough of them when you were attending the academy let alone now. Besides we wouldn't anyone you _really_ care about to get hurt. Look all I am asking is take it into consideration about contacting Alberta and seeing if they need your assistance. For now though I have to go. Bye Rose." With that he was gone. Which didn't surprise me, he wasn't much on long good byes. But I didn't fail to hear the double meaning in his words.

I stared at my team in disbelief while they all asked me what Abe had said, or asked what he had wanted. I just didn't know how to answer them.

"Well seems like my old Academy is going to be attacked soon, and Abe thinks I need to go help out." I looked everyone of them in the eye, measuring their reactions. When none of them moved a muscle or made a sound I cleared my throat and continued.

" I don't know if I will go and help or not, but I need to know that your ok if I do go back." Hell even if they weren't ok with me going back I already knew in my heart I would.

They all looked at each other and then headed off into their separate rooms. Confusion must have looked terrible on me.

"What are you three doing, we have to go out." I wasn't asking anyone in particle, just anyone that would answer me.

"Rose did you honestly think that we would let you go back to that hell hole, and face him again did you?" Denis asked. I knew I probably had tears in my eyes but at that point I didn't care, he'd seen me in my worst so a few tears to him wouldn't matter.

"Thank you." I didn't have any other words to offer.

"Your welcome Rose, now go call Alberta and tell her we will be there in a few days." I nodded and went to call Alberta.

She picked up on the third ring, "Hello?" Her voice brought back so many memories, some good, some painful.

"Alberta, its Rose, my team and I will be there in a few days to help with the attack if you'll have us." I almost hoped she would say no, but of course she didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok guys I want to thank you for the reviews so far, but I would love to have some more! Let me know what you think of this chapter I wasn't quite sure where I wanted to go with it, but this is where it ended up lol. So enjoy!**

Chapter Three

When we stepped off the plane from the grueling flight, that I had been to anxious and nervous to sleep on, Alberta was waiting at the end of Abe's plane's stairs.

I really wanted to run up to her and throw my arms around her and tell her how much I had missed her, but I wasn't showing anyone but my team how much it bothered me being back here.

"Rose. Good to see you. Thank you for coming." She gave me an incline of her head, and a small smile that said everything.

"You too Alberta. Thanks for letting my team come along also." If she would have said 'no they couldn't come' then I would have gladly stayed in Russia and kept on fighting there and I think she knew that.

"You wouldn't have come other wise." Yeah she always could read me like a book.

With that we walked from the runway to the academy. Nothing, from what I could tell, had changed. But then again I shouldn't have suspected the Moroi government would change anything.

"We are having a meeting in the main guardians lounge. I told them that I would be a few minutes late. So they still don't know you and your team are here."

"Alberta, I realize that you said it was ok that we came, and that you needed more help, but you know guardians as well as anyone they don't like rouges. I won't put up with anyone putting me or my team down, because I guarantee none of the guardians can beat any of us in a spar." I wanted to put that up front. There was no way in hell that anyone would judge my team just because we didn't protect the moroi that refused to protect themselves.

"Rose I wouldn't have told you to come and help if I wasn't going to stand by or with you." She never looked in my direction when she spoke, but I knew if Alberta was on our side then she wouldn't tolerate anyone abusing my team either.

When we reached the doors we didn't stop to prepare our selves, or more like I didn't stop to prepare my self, to see the people I hadn't seen in four years.

We walked through the heavy oak doors keeping our heads held high. My eyes immediately went to a tall, blonde headed girl. Lissa. I was surprised to see her here in the middle of the guardians. Apparently she was just as shocked to see me as well because I got sucked in to her head for the first time since I'd left, and boy did we look badass.

My team and I wore jeans, long sleeve thermal shirts, leather jackets, and boots. Lissa's shock registered first, and then there was the anger I was expecting. But I didn't care anymore, I wasn't going to sit back and let her chastise me like a child. I was a grown woman, making my own choices when I left and I still was. I was proud of the choices I had made; hunting with my team over the last four years had opened my eyes to how worthless the moroi society really was.

I pulled my self out of head, and gave her smirk, showing her just what I was thinking. Looking around at the other guardians they all wore similar faces of shock and confusion, some with anger and resentment.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" My head flipped around to look at one of my former teachers. Stan.

I couldn't let the opportunity pass by to give him my usual attitude. "What does it look like Stan, the same thing you are."

"Like hell you are. You can't just walk back in here like you own the place, and act like you are doing us such a great favor, after leaving your charge, abandoning the moroi population. All for what? To be rouge, that doesn't do anything with her life, and run around with people that are just like you. Worthless."

Now the old Rose Hathaway would have screamed, yelled and through a fit. But I had learned my control and I wasn't about to let him piss me off. Now for Lev that wasn't the case. He immediately tensed and started to walk forward, but I held up my hand to stop him. Which he did, and everyone's eyes widened with shock that he obeyed.

"Listen here _Stan_, my team and I do more good than you sitting back and waiting for them to come after you. We actually go out and kill them before than can come and kill us. As for me leaving my charge, I didn't have one. And I sure as hell didn't abandon the moroi population when they abandoned themselves before I ever came along." My voice was ice cold and I knew my eyes were flat and lifeless at that point. But I didn't care.

I turned away from him before he could speak again, not giving him the time of day. Which was a mistake, because my eyes locked with a pair of brown eyes. Eyes that had given me the nightmares and dreams I woke up screaming and crying from.

I stood locked to the floor I stood on assessing him, and he seemed to be doing the same. He looked absolutely the same; nothing about him seemed to have changed. He was still to good looking for his own good. But then those words slammed into my head, 'Love fades, mine has' and I abruptly squared my shoulders and reminded myself my team and I were here for business and that was it. After this was over we were going back to Russia and staying there for good.

Denis, Lev, and Artur must have sensed that was him because they came up behind me giving Dimitri hate filled looks. Dimitri gave them the once over, and if I still knew him I would have said a smirk was pulling at his mouth, but I didn't know him any longer.

"Ok before anyone says another word, I brought Rose and _her_ team here to help us. There aren't enough of us to protect the school and the Moroi if and when we get attacked again. I have been keeping tabs on Rose since she has been away, and her and her teams numbers are quite impressive. So if anyone has a problem with them being here then your going to have to deal with it, because there not leaving until this situation is taken care of."

My head snapped around to Alberta. I had no clue she had been keeping tabs on me and my team. Hell I didn't even know she knew where I was. But that was neither here nor there and I wanted to get the 'problem' thing out of the way first.

"If anyone does have a problem with me then I would be more than glad to work out those problems in the gym on the sparing mats, and I'm sure my team would love to do the same when we're in there." I wasn't going to back down and I knew my team would love the chance as well. They all had the need to prove themselves and this would be the perfect opportunity.

"Ok. We have to get some schedules straightened out since Rose and her team is here. Rose do you guys mind taking over some of the shifts for us?" Alberta asked looking over in our direction.

I looked at the guys who nodded, "Yeah that's fine, who will be on the same schedual?"

"Dimitri, and Eddie." I closed my eyes briefly before opening them and looking at Dimitri. His look mirrored mine. He didn't want to be doing this together either.

"Alright when do you need us?" My voice was slightly hoarse and no one but myself could have noticed.

"At nine tonight."


	4. Chapter 4

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Chapter Four

I lead my team to the rooms we would be staying in for duration of us being here, however long that turned out to be. The halls seemed to be the same dreary color that they always had been, the same with the floors.

I didn't really want to be anywhere near the guardian dorms but all of the cabins outside had been filled, not that I would want to get anywhere near them either for obvious reasons. One good thing about my team and I being in the dorms we were stationed is, there were all doors connecting them from the inside, that way no one would see Denis sneaking into my room when the dreams started, because Lord knew there were going to be plenty of those tonight especially after seeing Dimitri.

"Rose!" I knew that voice anywhere, I had actually missed that voice. Hearing it in my dreams hadn't even come close to the real thing.

When I first had left, Adrian had visited me in my dreams while I had been on the plane to Russia, and to say that he had been pissed would be an understatement. He refused to visit me for over a month, but the distance just seemed to be too hard on him.

I turned around with a smile pulling on my lips; he was the only one here besides Alberta I was actually glad to see.

"Adrian. Why am I not surprised to see you are here at the academy as well?" I was shocked to see just how good he looked, even though he hadn't changed his appearance any there was something different about him that I had failed to notice in the dreams.

"Well you know I kind figured you would end up here after you heard what was going to happen." He held his same signature smirk.

"Well you know me, always trying to do good." I meant it jokingly but the smile faded from his face that was covered by a frown.

"Rose if everyone had half the heart and soul you do then the world wouldn't have any of the problems it does." I wanted to feel bad that I had left him, why couldn't I have just fallen for him instead of Dimitri. My life would have been easier I wouldn't have lost my heart when Dimitri was turned. I wouldn't have gone to Russia to track him down and I definitely wouldn't have ended up being a blood whore.

I walked to Adrian and wrapped my arms around his middle, since I couldn't reach his neck without him bending down, and whispered, "I'm so sorry for everything." And if I wouldn't have changed, and I wouldn't have hardened over the years I would have probably cried, but I had changed, I wasn't the same person.

"Ah Little Dhampir, everything happens for a reason and I understand now, I would never hold your heart and I never will. I'm the one that's sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you so hard." When I stepped out of his arms the smile was back on his face but his eyes still held the sadness that probably wouldn't go away.

"Thank you Adrian. For everything." I let go of him and turned to walk back to my team.

"So who do you have here, since I have never formally met them?" I had forgotten he had never met my team.

"Well this is Denis, Artur, and Lev." I pointed to each of them smiling. I was damned proud of my team, and I loved standing by them. Each shook hands with Adrian keeping their faces and emotions blank, apparently I left the part out he could see their auras.

"Nice to meet you guys, and thank you for taking care of Rose." Although he held a joking note anyone of us could tell her was serious. "Look Rose I have to get going, but don't worry you'll see me again." And just like that his natural self was shining through.

"Oh you can count on the being one of my least worries." I said while laughing.

When we finally did reach our rooms and get our clothes, and whatever else we had brought along with us from Russia we had a couple hours before dinner and there was no way my restlessness was going to go away without exhausting myself to the point of passing out.

"Hey does anyone want to head down to the gym before dinner and our shifts?" I knew what their answer would be. They wouldn't let me run around the school without at least one of them being there incase someone came along I wasn't quite comfortable with. It had nothing to do with taking care of my self because they all knew I was very capable of doing such. It was just more so to reinsure themselves.

"Yea." The three of them chorused together. Since we had all of the doors in between our rooms open just for something like this.

We all changed and headed down to the gym, expecting to find it empty when we walk in the doors, instead there was a serious of hits coming from the corner of the gym where the punching bags were set up.

My curiosity spiked, guardians rarely trained alone. They usually always had someone to spar with or to spot them lifting weights, or just to talk with. I only knew of one person that trained alone and I prayed to whoever was listening that it wasn't who I thought it was.

I walked over to the benches to put my towel and bottle of water down before I turned to look back in the corner. To my surprise it wasn't him, it was one of my best friends, or at least at one time he was.

"Eddie?" He stopped hitting the bag but didn't turn around. "Eddie? It's me." I didn't figure he really needed me to tell him who it was, I was sure he knew and I had a sneaking suspicion that was why he wasn't turning around.

"I know it's you, I just don't care to see you." His voice was cold and menacing. I had expected him to be upset that I left, but not to the point that he hated me.

I turned to look at the guys, silently asking them if I could have a few minutes alone to talk to Eddie. They each muttered something about going to warm up before running; I mouthed a 'thank you' and turned back to Eddie's back.

"Eddie, look…" I didn't get a chance to finish anything I was about to say before he had spun around, fuming with anger.

"No Rose you _look_, I was fine with breaking Victor out of prison and rushing off to find a way to bring Dimitri back, and I was fine with all the problems that I knew it was going to bring me. Not being able to get a good guardian position, and not being able to hold my head high in the Moroi population. But I am sure as hell not ok with you running off with out so much as an explanation as to where, why, or when you would return.

I felt that after Mason got killed it was somehow my responsibility to watch out for you and help you. But then you just leave me and everyone around you high and dry, and then think you can waltz back in here and play hero. Well I don't agree with it." He paused to catch his breath before continuing, "Do you have any idea how frantic everyone that cared about you was when we found out that you weren't anywhere to be found? We didn't know if you had been taken, if you were alive, dead or anything else."

Then the anger shifted in his eyes, and turned sad. In that moment I realized that he was scared, he truly was just scared.

"Eddie, I'm sorry. I should have told you everything, I know I should have but what was I supposed to do? Stick around when I wasn't wanted? There was no way that they were going to give me a guardian position after what I had done, after what we had done. Lissa had abandoned me to play mommy to Dimitri, Dimitri didn't want me around, and he hated me. Adrian thought he 'loved' me and I wasn't ready for that. Hell the only one that might have wanted me around was you, and I know I should have came to you, and I'm sorry." And I truly was, if I knew how much it would have bothered him about my absence I wasn't so sure I would have left.

"Eddie I know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but I have had a good life for the last four years. I have three men that I trust with my life, and their family. I don't have to answer to the guardian council, and I fight to stay alive. I don't fight for some moiroi that isn't appreciative of what we were born for." I prayed he understood where I was coming from.

"Rose if you would have just told me that you wanted to or needed to leave I would have understood, hell I probably would have come with you. But just to leave without saying a damned word? I don't know if I can forgive that, and if I do I sure as hell won't forget you leaving." With those last words he picked up the towel that had been laying beside the punching bad and brushed by me to leave only to stop a few feet away.

"Figure you would like to know Mia and I have been seeing each other." My jaw dropped open and then he was gone.

I stood stock still staring at where Eddie had just been. He was the one person I wanted to see upon my return. But it hurt knowing he didn't want to see me.

"Rose are you ok?" Lev was behind me concerned.

I straightened my shoulders and turned to him plastering on a fake smile. "Yeah, come on we have some running to do." He gave me an look that told me he understood what I was doing by brushing off what had just happened and nodded his head.

If this was what was going to happen in all the conversations that I had with people, then I was just ready to go back home.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

We had run a little over five miles when I called it quits. I might be a bad ass but I still couldn't stand the whole running thing.

"Do you guys want to spar or call it good since dinner is about to start, then are shifts?" I was hoping that the guys just wanted to go back to our rooms and get showered and changed for dinner; I didn't feel like doing much after the conversation with Eddie.

"Eh, I'm beat after the flight and everything. Let's just head back to our rooms." Denis was the one to make the final decision and I gave him a small smile of thanks that he returned.

When we reached the hall I looked over at the three of them carrying their towels and water bottles, and I realized I had left mine sitting on the bench.

"Hey I forgot my stuff, you guys go on ahead and I'll catch up."

"Are you sure?" I was surprised when Artur spoke up since he rarely talked or asked questions.

"Yeah, it's not like anything is going to jump out and grab me, and even if it did I'm pretty sure I could handle it." I couldn't help but laugh while I spoke, despite how I felt inside.

They all laughed and headed off towards our rooms that we had been given for the duration of our stay. I turned around and headed back towards the gym shaking my head.

I pushed open the doors and headed towards the bench that I left my things on, normally I would have drank the whole bottle water, and used the towel to dry off with but I guessed the conversation with Eddie had me all out of whack.

Before turning back around I heard the doors swing open and I let a smile pull on my lips. "You guys can't trust me alone can—" The rest of what I was going to say died on my lips when I turned around and saw who it was. Dimitri.

No. No. No. I started chanting over and over again in my head. I wasn't ready for this conversation, especially having it without one of the guys around. I stood frozen in place looking into his eyes. All of my old memories coming out of my head to torment me, him bringing Lissa, and I back to the academy, him training me, the lust charm, us rolling around on the bed and in between the sheets our first time together, and last but not least, 'Love fades.'

I slid my emotional mask back in place and assessed him like I would an enemy, his strengths, which I knew all to well of, and his weaknesses, which I knew of also. I noticed he had guardian clothes on, and a gym bag hanging from his shoulder. I guessed he had gotten his title back as guardian. I felt a pang of jealously hit my stomach because that was one thing I wouldn't have, even though I didn't want it. Or that's what I kept telling myself.

I lifted my eyes to his and watched as he assessed me in the same way I had him. But his seemed to be more out of curiosity of how I had fared over the years. When he finally did lift his gaze back to mine, I raised my eyebrows, since I couldn't raise just one, and starting walking forward. But not towards him, never again would I walk to him, I was walking out those doors and not looking back.

I walked past him without looking at him or touching him, and had almost made it to the doors when he spoke my name.

"Rose." His accent lacing in with each letter, making me shiver and want to cry out with longing, but I wasn't that same girl I was years ago that fell, and fell hard for him.

I didn't make a move to turn around; I just stood with my hand on the door praying he wouldn't say anything more and I could just walk out. Praying he would say something else so I could hear that one voice I had nightmares about.

"Rose, I just…" He stopped, and I was guessing he didn't know how to continue, and I wasn't going to wait around to find out about how he was sorry but he stood by his word, and he still couldn't 'love' anyone. Hell I didn't believe in that kind of love anymore.

"You received your title back?" I hadn't planned to speak but the words just tumbled out of my mouth involuntarily. I really did need to get a handle on that part of my self.

"Yes a little over a year ago." His voice had changed to the 'guardian' side of him, and I was almost glad. That way I didn't have to deal with the Dimitri I knew on a personal level.

"Good. That's good, you deserve it. I'll be sure to let my team know to address you in such manor." I closed my eyes and willed my feet to move, to start walking out the door but they refused to obey almost like I had lost the connection to them.

" Rose," his voice had changed once more to the Dimitri I had once called mine, "we have to talk at some point." My anger at him immediately flared and I spun around looking him dead in the eye. His voice might have been softer but his mask was still place, and I made sure to leave mine in place as well.

"Like hell I have to talk to you. I have nothing I want to say to you. My team and I are here temporarily until this whole thing is over, and then we're out. We are leaving and going back where we belong. I'm obviously not wanted here and I really don't want to be here. So I'll do everyone, including my self a favor and go back home." I turned once more to leave, until his voice stopped me again.

"I looked for you after you left." That statement shocked me more than Eddie's outburst had.

"Why? Why in the hell would you look for someone you didn't want to be around." My voice was as cold and emotionless as I felt on the inside.

"Lissa asked me too after she figured out that you had left everything behind. She felt bad, and still feels bad for the way she treated you." Of course, it always came back to LIssa. Lissa this, Lissa that, he still, apparently, hadn't come to the realization that I was the one who made it happen, Lissa just held the stake.

"Well if she is so damned important than please do me and yourself a favor and go crawl back to her, because I sure as hell didn't want to be found by the likes of you or anyone else at this damned academy." I still kept my eyes on the door in front of me, voice and face void of all emotion. I wasn't going to let him see or hear how bad this conversation was tearing me up inside.

I heard a subtle sound almost a growling sound coming from him. "What the hell did you expect me to do Rose? Forget everything I did to you and all those people I killed? Did you want me to beg for yours and everyone else's forgiveness? Is that still what you want? When Lissa and _you_ restored me all I had room for what guilt. I had nightmares about the people I killed for years. I have nightmares still to this day about what I did to you. And you know I would rather die than remember what I done to you."

I turned around at this point staring at him still with no emotion playing out on my features. "Yeah I just bet you would. Well you know what? I could deal with everything that you did to me when you were a strigoi because that wasn't you, but you know what I couldn't handle?" I let my mask slip and reveal my true emotions for just an instant. "When you said you're love had faded, I would still rather die than hear those words. Nothing that you did as a strigoi compared to those words. So you finally got your wish about me leaving you alone." I wispered the last sentece staring at the floor, hoping he wouldn't here just how broken I had been, just how broken I still was.

I lifted my eyes from the gym floor and focused on his. His eyes held pain, sadness, anguish, and anger still lingered in their depths. I was sure mine held similiar qualities, except mine held tears that I wouldn't let him see fall. He wasn't worth it, or so I kept telling my self.

With one last look at the floor and a few shakes of my head to clear the fog, I slipped my emotionless mask back on and looked back at him. "_Guardian_ Belikov, I would say it's been a pleasure to talk to you, but then I'd be lying. So I will see you tonight when we are on shift, until then have a good night." I spun on my heel and made my feet walk out those double doors, down the hall to my room, where I would let the tears freely fall.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Ok guys this is chapter six! I can't believe we are this far along already. I can honestly say I love writing this and I hope that you guys are loving reading it. I know there are a lot of heart wrenching moments right now but I promise it will get better. **_

_**The training and fights are coming up shortly as are the 'lemons' if you guys want them **_

_**Please review and let me know what you think. **_

_**I would like to thank all who have reviewed so far, and encourage others to do so also. With out you guys this story means nothing so keep up the good work!**_

_**Love you guys!**_

Chapter Six

"Alberta." I nodded my head in her direction making sure to keep my eyes adverted from Eddie, Dimitri, and Stan. I honestly had no idea why Stan was here anyway. As far as I knew it was just supposed to be my team and me, along with Dimitri and Eddie. I figured Alberta would be here to explain our routes and what else she needed us to do while patrolling the schools grounds.

"Rose." Alberta greeted in her normal manner, a nod of a head and a quick glance at my hand that was tangled into Denis's. I was surprised I still held his hand honestly. Normally I wouldn't have held his hand in view of other people besides Artur and Lev, but then again, this hadn't been a normal day by no means.

After I had made it back to my room Denis had come barging through the joint door in our rooms when he heard my crying. He walked over picked me up and carried me to my bed, held my head in the crook of his neck, and waited until I didn't have any more tears to cry out.

When I refused to go down to eat dinner he'd stayed with me just holding me, telling me that everything would be ok. I was still trying to figure out how he thought it be.

But be damned if I was going to let anyone else know what had been going on in my room. My shoulders were squared, chin up, and emotions behind my cold mask.

"Ok Rose, I know that you and your team don't have to listen to anything that I say, but if at all possible would you let me pair you guys off? Guardian Alto and I picked up this shift as well to make the numbers work if you agree. I just want all of us to get to know each other before this attack happens." I could see her point behind pairing us off, but I didn't want to be paired with anyone other than my team, especially after the conversation with Dimitri.

Just thinking his name made my eyes draw up to his brown ones. His look mirrored my own, eyes cold, and emotions carefully locked away.

"Yea that's fine." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I almost told her 'no never mind' but I saw the dare in Dimitri's eyes for me to back down, so I kept true to my answer and left my fate up to Alberta.

"Ok, Denis, I would like you to be with Eddie. Artur you're with Stan." I prayed before she continued that I wouldn't end up with Dimitri but I had a sinking feeling that I would be. Hell of course I would be, luck had never been on my side so why should it start now. "Lev, you're with me. So that leaves Rose and Dimitri paired together." She looked at me when she was finished, and gave me a small sad smile.

"Wait, I think Rose needs to stay with one of us." Artur was just full of surprises it seemed. First, asking if I wanted him to go back to go back to the gym to get my water bottle and towel, and now this.

I turned to him to tell him no it was ok but Dimitri spoke first. "I agree."

Alberta looked at Dimitri, giving him a measured stare before speaking. "Guardian Belikov, you trained her yes, but you don't know her any longer. This is what I think will work best, but if Rose refuses then there is nothing I can do. Rose?"

I knew she was putting me in the dominant position, and I silently thanked her. "No, she's right I think this is a good idea, its gives you guys," I paused, sweeping my hand from my team to the guardians, "a chance to get to know each other. And maybe it will give everyone a chance to see my team and I are no different then a guardian, except we guard ourselves." That statement got a slight snort from Stan, but I kept my eyes trained on Eddie, Dimitri, and Alberta.

This time it was my turn to give Dimitri a daring look. I might not have wanted to be around him, and he might not want me to be around him but I wasn't going to back down, especially after the conversation that we had earlier.

For the next ten minutes I listened intently as Alberta told each of the pairs, where and how she wanted us to patrol and guard.

I caught Dimitri raising his eyebrows at me out of the corner of my eye while she explained. I figured he was surprised that I was able to just listen and not have any input and yes if this would have been four years ago I would have scoffing at her instructions just because I thought I knew everything, and although I was a damned good novice, come to find out I knew nothing.

When she was finished we all said an ok and headed off with the person we were paired with.

Dimitri and I were patrolling the back half of the schools wards. The one place I was hoping to avoid going while I was back at the academy. For one the 'cabin' was back there and I didn't need any more reminders of just how great Dimitri and I used to be together.

My second and only other reason, the way to the caves was back in the far corner of the grounds. Right where Dimitri and I would be passing by on our rounds.

Fate sure did have a cruel since on humor. First I had fallen in love with my mentor, leading up to me loosing my virginity in an abandoned guard watch cabin. Not that I regretted any of that. After everything that had happened between us I was still glad that it had been him. He was someone, at one time, that I trusted, respected, and would have done anything for.

Then the attack happened. A human had staked the wards and untimely allowing Strigoi to enter the grounds and attack us. Many had died and a few had been taken and if it wouldn't have been for my 'ghost seeing abilities' we would have never known where they had been taken. Hence the cave part.

We rushed the cave and had recovered most of the taken, and we were almost out when Dimitri had been caught. If I closed my eyes I could still see him being taken. Just thinking about all of it had me shivering from fear, regret, and the one feeling I hoped I would never feel again. Hopelessness.

"Are you cold?" I assumed since he was asking, I had shivered about remembering the caves.

"No." My tone was short and clipped.

He didn't say anything after so I assumed he knew I had no interest in talking to him.

We stayed silent for a good time after, just looking listening, trying to pick up on any strange or out of place sounds that shouldn't have been there. Well I'm sure Dimitri was, I was trying too, but thoughts kept coming and trying to bombard me and most of them succeeded.

When I was finally aware of my surroundings I noticed we were right in front of the cabin. Of course this was the one time I couldn't stay incoherent to my surroundings.

I stopped in my tracks and just stared while that memory kept playing over and over and over, like the broken record it was. How could I have been so stupid as to think that everything would turn out like they were supposed to?

I remembered how attentive he was to me and my body. Letting me know just how much he loved me. He whispered my name over and over like a never ending prayer. Burying his face in my hair and breathing deep before kissing me on my lips.

I quickly filed all thoughts away, remembering who was with me. I looked up at the same, but totally different man standing beside me and noticed he'd been looking at me the whole time I'd been thinking.

I felt a blush creeping up my neck to make a home in my cheeks. I ducked my head and gave the cabin one more look before turning away from him.

"Rose, I don't regret it." His voice was strong and confident and everything that I wasn't. "I will never forget what that meant, or what you gave me."

**_Ok guys where do _you_ want it to go from here? I'm always open for ideas and even if I don't used them that doesn't mean I didn't like them_**


	7. Authors Note

**Authors Note!**

**I would like to say I'm sorry to everyone that has been reading this story! I made a huge mistake in saying a human staked the wards which is incorrect. Please forgive me for my screw up. I had been working out side in 100 degree heat all day, which I know isn't an excuse but my husband and I are building a house and my father and mother are helping so we were working on building that from 7:30 am to around 6 that night. I had taken some muscle relaxers and by the time I arrived to that part of the story they had kicked in! So please forgive me, and I hope you continue reading and reviewing the story! The new chapter should be up tomorrow don't forget to check it out to see what Rose has to say to Dimitri for his confession.**

**Tell me what you think she should say!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Seven

I stood and stared straight ahead at nothing letting those words replay over and over in my head, trying to make sense of what he meant that he didn't 'regret' anything. The palm of my hand tingled with the urge to turn around and slap him. It never occurred to me that he might have regretted it, and if he said he did regret it I was pretty sure all hell would break loose.

I closed my eyes letting the blackness of my eyelids try and bring some sort of comfort to me. I took a few deep breathes and let them out before turning around. I knew I was tense and probably looked pissed as hell because I _was_ pissed as hell.

"You don't regret it? Well isn't that convenient for you. Let me ask you this then, did it ever occur to you that I regret everything? Trust me when I say that if I would have known that it was going to turn out like this, then none of it would have happened. I wouldn't have put myself through hell for someone who doesn't appreciate a damn thing.

Let me tell you another thing I'm sick and tired of your 'better than thou' attitude too. I'm tired of feeling less than a person when I talk to you or when I am around you. I was going to be a damned good guardian and guess what, I threw it all away to get away from you." I paused taking a deep breath to bring some sort of air back into my burning lungs, even though I knew it would do no good. The burning in my chest wasn't a cause of no air, it was cause of my heart being broke all over again.

I felt almost guilty for saying all of that because most of it wasn't true, hell none of it was true. I didn't regret being with him I would trade almost anything just to go back and have those times again. I would still go through hell or high water today to bring him back if he was turned against his will again. But I couldn't let him see that, or anyone else for that matter. I was a cold ruthless killer with no emotions. I was a shell of my former self and though I might not be happy with it that was the way I had to stay just to be sane. If I let my emotions get the better of me I would probably be taken away and put in a cell for crazy people.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts and swirling emotions inside my own body I didn't see the anger in his eyes, or the way his body tensed. I sure didn't see his long sweeping strides that filled the space in between us until he stood a foot from me.

I thought it almost funny that he still smelled the exact same and the sexual tension between us was still the same. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him just to make sure he was real, but of course there wasn't anyway that was going to happen.

"Don't you dare start that! I didn't force you into anything. I tried everything to stay away from you, but you wanted what you couldn't have and kept pushing, and like everything else you got it. I realize that I hurt you, I get that, and I'm sorry. But I didn't make you run off to Russia to be rouge."

I looked at him in disbelief as he said that. I didn't care that he was loosing control but the fact that he knew I was in Russia through me for a loop. Hell the only person that knew where I had gone was Abe, and apparently Alberta.

"Yeah I knew where you went; I was the one who told Alberta where you were. I'll admit I was surprised to see you here when you showed up. I didn't keep tabs on you like she did but I made sure she told me that you were safe. Did you honestly think that I didn't know you that well? Russia might hold bad memories for you, but of course that's where you would go. I might not have been able to still love you Rose, but that sure as hell didn't mean I didn't know you, that never changed." His voice softened at the end of the sentence and it almost made me want to reach around him and lay my head on his chest like old times.

"How did you find me, besides 'knowing' me?" My voice didn't waver like I thought it was going to do.

He sighed, and then took a deep long breath before speaking. "Honestly? I have no idea how I knew where to look, or go. I just had a pull to go and look there. Lissa did ask me to go look for you, but Rose, that wasn't the reason I went and looked for you." He was looking me in the same manner he used too. Back before he was changed that is.

"Then what was it?" My voice was no longer filled with the anger that had only moments ago had been churning in the pit of my stomach.

He lifted his hand and brought it to the side of my face, resting it against my cheek. "Because I needed to, I had to know that you were alright, and honestly I missed you. When I said the things I did I thought I meant them, but after we found out you were gone I was scared, so scared." He had taken his thumb and started to rub my bottom lip and that arc of electricity that went up and down my spine was almost too good to be true. But I didn't fail to notice that he never said he didn't mean the words he spoke before my leaving, or that he was wrong and that he _did_ love me.

I was so shocked when he started to lean down, never taking his eyes off of my lips, I couldn't move. My mind was screaming at me to move away, throw a punch, kick his legs out from under him, but my body wouldn't listen. It was almost like I needed one more kiss form him to be able to live until the next day.

When his lips softly brushed mine, my knees went weak and I shuddered with pleasure. My hands burned to run through his hair, just to see if it was as soft as it had been the last time. Hell I didn't want to just run my hands through his hair, I wanted to feel all of him, I wanted it all again.

I went as far as putting my hands on his biceps, feeling the muscles that I knew were under his guardian uniform. I held back a moan at how amazing and right it all felt, I couldn't let him know just how much he still got to me.

Reality started coming back to me and I remember all the pain that he caused. I put my hands on his chest and pushed, even though it didn't have as much force as I wanted it to have, Dimitri still got the point and stopped kissing me and rested his forehead on mine.

"I can't do this. I won't do this, not again." My voice was shaky but firm. I stepped away from him putting distance between us.

"Your right. I'm sorry I won't touch you in any fashion from here on out except to train." His mask was back on and he was walking away from me before I could stop him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Eight

The rest of the night passed by the same no talking no touching and no looking. It was bad to say but I almost felt guilty for the situation. I shouldn't have gave in and let my emotions get the better of me. But like always I was impulsive.

We finally parted ways when our replacement guards were ready to go on shift. I made a bee line for my room, not even waiting for Denis or my team. I figured they were big boys and they could make it back to their rooms without my help anyway.

I had made it almost all the way back to my room when I caught a familiar buzz in my head. I tried to pick my pace up to make it back into my room before I was caught but I could already tell I wasn't going to make it.

"Rose." Her voice still held the same angelic tone as before, but it was laced with venom and it didn't sound right coming from such a soft hearted person.

I turned around but didn't speak. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to her after already have three conversations about how selfish I had been for leaving, and I hadn't even managed to make it past the first day.

I noticed she had a guardian trailing her. I wasn't quite sure why they had one following her around when everyone was inside the wards to begin with, but then again I guessed desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Rose, what do you think you're doing back?" I guess this was going to turn into another fight that I really didn't want to have.

"Princess," I wasn't giving her the satisfaction of calling her by her first name. "I really am tired from my shift, and would _love_ if we could spare this conversation for another time." I put the same venom in my words that she had. I didn't care to talk to her ever let alone later.

"Well I think this is a conversation that is best had now." I could tell she was going to try and order me to stay if I refused. But I had news for her; I wasn't a guardian I didn't have to listen to her or any royal.

"No I think I'm going to go to bed, we start training tomorrow." I started to turn around when I heard her voice again.

"Rose you will stay and listen to what I have to say." She stood taller, and more regal if I had to take a guess it was probably to assert her dominance as a royal.

With my blood boiling I turned around with my finger in her face. "Well guess what _Princess_ I don't have to listen to your orders. I don't work for the academy, you, or the moroi society. I have had a shitty day and I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed for the few hours I have left before I start training with some of the novices to save your sorry ass." She looked taken aback almost like I had struck her. 'Good' I thought.

Her guardian decided to step up at that point and I tensed ready and waiting for the fight. "You will not talk to her that way, she's to become queen and she will have your respect." That statement did take me by surprise I hadn't seen that one coming, and wished Alberta would have told me.

"Listen close to what I have to say. You mean nothing to that girl right there, or anyone in the moroi society. I won't give respect where respect isn't deserved, and soon enough you'll figure that out. As for becoming queen, well the day that I don't make my own decisions is the day that I hope someone shoves a stake through my heart." I had had enough of everyone talking to me like I was no one, like I didn't have a clue about the world we lived in. Frankly I had more of a clue than anyone in this place besides my team.

With those words I spun on my heel, unlocked my door, went through it, and slammed it behind me.

"Rose? That you?" Denis's voice drifted through the adjoining door to our rooms. He sounded just as tired as I felt.

"Yeah. The one and only." My voice wasn't any where near as strong as it had been seconds ago with the discussion from LIssa.

"Are you ok?" He asked walking through the door in only a pair of shorts with his hair wet and messy.

It was times like these that I really wished I was able to have feelings for him. He was everything in guy someone normal wanted. But then again I wasn't normal, and he didn't look at me any other way than a friend.

I looked at his sculpted chest, his biceps, his fluid movements moving across the room, wishing I could just bring some sort of feelings for him to the surface. "Yeah I'm ok, just tired."

"How did shift go with him." I knew he held a vengeance towards Dimitri, heck all my team did just for the way he treated me, and I guessed I did too.

How did I explain what happened to Denis without him getting mad. I know there was no way to explain anything without him either getting upset with me, or giving me a lecture. But there was no way around it. "I kissed him."

"You what?" his head whipped around and his fist balled. I knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Well I mean he kissed me, but I stopped it and then he got mad and walked off, after I told him I couldn't do it." I walked over to sat on my bed because I was sure if I didn't I was going to fall over.

Before he could speak again I jumped back in there. "Denis can I try something. I tried it once with Adrian and it didn't work but I really didn't like him them. So can I try it with you?" I couldn't believe what I was about to do if he let me. But I wanted to know if there was anything more than just attraction with Dimitri. I figured it could just be my pent up attraction to him making me think I wanted him.

"I guess." He sounded hesitant but I knew he wasn't going to back down, especially since I asked him.

I stood up and walked over to him putting my hand on his chest, standing on the balls of my feet I brought my lips to his and slowly kissed him.

I was surprised to find he kissed me back. His lips were different from Dimitri's. He even went as far to put his hand over mine that rested on his chest.

After awhile I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "What was that?" His voice was normal; it didn't hold any huskiness or lust it seemed, which made me breathe a sigh of relief.

"I wanted to see if I felt anything. When Dimitri kissed me I still felt that tingle, and I just wanted to see if it could happen with anyone else." I stepped back and sat back down on the bed. "You know it would be so more convenient if I felt something for you."

"I know what you mean, and don't think I haven't thought about it but Rose, but you're still in love with him and no one, not even I can change that." I hated that he was right but I knew there could still never be anything between us anymore.

"Can you sleep in here tonight?" When he nodded I slid out of my shoes, and pants, and climbed into bed waiting while he shut out the lights. I closed my eyes and waited for the nightmares to trap me like they did every night.


End file.
